One year Zanzibar, the bloopers

Welcome meeting.

Guests: "eh, we would like to go to Stonehenge...".
Me: “Well, we have different options to go to Stone TOWN: you could combine with bla bla bla...”
5 min later: "Ok, we will call you tomorrow to organise the trip to Stonehenge!"
Hopefully they won't be disappointed by the wooden doors in the (coral) stone houses...

Phone call from guests who did NOT come to the welcome meeting: "Yes, we received the envelope with the yellow cards and the map of Zanzibar and the excursion list. These excursions are for free isn't it?"

21:30, Oct 1st.
Phone call from a guest: "Eh, excuse me, do you know when I have to go home? The hotel says I need to go home this night but I think I can stay one more day."
Me: “I don't know by heart, but what is written on your flight ticket?”
Guest: “It says ‘Oct 2nd, 3:25 am’.”
Me: “So?”
Guest: “I don't know, that is tomorrow night, isn't it?”
Me: “well, now it is 1st Oct; at midnight it will be 00:00 hrs of 2nd. October, one hour later it will be 1:00 am and so on. So after that it will be 3:25 am.”
Guest: “Oops, I urgently need to make my luggage. Thanks.”

I meet my guests who are back from a short safari in Selous National Reserve, Tanzania: "And, how was the Safari? Did you see the big five? (Elephant, Buffel, Lion, Leopard, Rhino)"
He: "No, we didn't, we didn't see the black panther".
She: "And the tiger neither..."
Ooooooooooooooh

Guests are complaining at the reception. I ask if I can help.

“Yes, we want a room without lizards.”

“Dear guests, lizards are really common in Africa, so it is IMPOSSIBLE to give you a room without lizards...”
And then they got angry...

Guest, unhappy with the room category she booked: “But why can't you give me a free room-upgrade? There are so many rooms with sea view available.”
Me: “Look at it like this. You go to a shop of household suppliance, and you want to buy an iron. They have models that cost 50 euro and others that cost 100 euro. You cannot ask to get one of 100 euro and pay only 50 euro just because there are still a lot of irons of 100 euro available...”
She didn't understand...

Guest, almost crying: “I want to go home!”
Me: “I’m sorry. Why would you like to go home?”
Guest: “My luggage didn't come. And now what do I do? I can't go for dinner because I don't have decent clothes. And how do I get anyway out of my room, I don't even have a hairbrush to brush my hair. How can I come out of my room in this situation? I WANT TO GO HOME ASAP!!”

Guest (during rainy season): “It is raining too much here, we want to change and go to another hotel.”
Me: “Ok. Have you already decided to which hotel you want to go to?”
Guest: “We want to go where it is not raining, to Egypt! Can you recommend us any good hotel there?”

Guard, who doesn't want to let me in: “Good evening madam, are you new?”
Me: “No, I'm not new, I am 43 years old. So you cannot say I am new.”
Guard: “But how is this possible, this hotel is just 7 years old...”

Guest of whom photo camera has been stolen from the room: “I knew it, I have read it on TripAdvisor that items get stolen out of the rooms in this hotel.”
Me: “Right. But if you have read it on TripAdvisor, why didn't you put your camera in the safe box in your room?”
Guest: “Because on internet they wrote about a mobile phone, not about a photo camera!”

Guest: “Will I get sea sick on this excursion?”
Me: “I don’t think so, you will be sailing on the Ocean...”

If I can give you a medical certification, can you give me a free room upgrade?

Guest: “Are there really no parrots on this island? But there is a rain forest...”

Guest: “But if we leave early in the morning and come back late in the evening, why can't we drive to the national park instead of flying there, and go on safari just for one day?”
Me: “Eh, though our safari cars are land rovers, we still cannot cross the sea with them. Zanzibar is an Island”.OoooooooooooooooooooooooooohT